I spent a day in the country,
just driving around.
Took a day to myself to breathe,
to get out of this town.
Tried to escape,
get away for a day and just heal-
spent some time trying, for once,
not to think-
trying to tame how deeply I feel.
My mind wandered back to memories I made long ago,
back to a version of me I once used to know,
and I realized that somewhere along
this path that I’ve known,
somewhere in time, at some point I’ve grown
separate from who I thought I could be.
Instead I chased the ‘shoulds,’ creating a new version of me.
I don’t know why I behaved as though I had something to prove.
I expected perfection, I had mountains to move.
I’m not sure when or where this drive first appeared,
but it consumes with an appetite I have now come to fear.
So I’m releasing myself from these self imposed weights,
and breathing and easing,
I’m not fighting fate.
I welcome happiness, love, and a much slower pace,
You wear out so quickly living life as a race.
I’m more open now to new things and new faces,
because I’ve learned stories begin in the most unlikely of places.
I’ve learned that the picture I picture to be,
rarely ever agrees perfectly with reality,
and that’s fine.
I have time,
the life that was always
supposed to be mine.