Love

I made a wish and blew a kiss
 and sent it to the stars.
 I wished upon some candle flames
 and on all the pennies in my jar.

 I dreamed a dream upon a flower
 and sent the petals floating in the wind.
 I wrote a hope inside a note
 and sent the bottle for a swim.

 I took a fallen eyelash and 
 sent it flying in the breeze.
 I spoke my hopes to all the leaves
 dancing on the trees.

 And all those wishes and all those dreams,
 though they took a while,
 come true for me, 
 every time you smile.

Migraine

You sit upon my shoulders
and try to weigh me down
with muscles that tighten
and make it hard to move around.

You sneak into my jaw,
my cheeks, my lips, my teeth
sitting quietly 
while you stew just underneath.

Then moving...

You grip and squeeze my head
setting fire to my mind
shooting sparks inside my eyes
igniting pain, leaving nothing far behind.

I should have learned by now
just how to conquer you,
I should be on to all your tricks
this isn’t something new.

Maybe I’m too rushed
or there’s more I need to learn
about patience, calm, balance...
as once again you burn

setting stones upon my shoulders
throbbing ache inside my jaw
stabbing at my eyes and
 I wait for the medicine to work
and the pain to finally thaw,
release me,
give me another turn
to see if, maybe this time, my lesson I have learned.

One by one

One can be dangerous.

One
can be the difference between
pleasure and pain,
as willpower lost
is hard to regain.

As balance teeters
and control peters out,
one can sow
seeds of fear and of doubt...

or

One can be hope filled,
one
can be the difference
to getting closer to a dream,
a tiny step forward
not always felt or seen.

One can change the pattern,
disrupt the rhythm, break the mold;
one can change the old to new
and make way for fresh stories to be told.
 
One is a possibility, a pathway, a chance.
One is an opportunity, a decision, a stance.
One is limiting and freeing.

Take care in every 'one' encountered
as they shape destinies.



Motherhood: Sleepless Nights

One day I wont remember why, at 1 a.m.,
you woke me
just to say hello again.
To look into my eyes, to snuggle, to hold my shaky hand...

I won’t remember just how small you were
as you conducted all my moves
with grunts and squirms and fussy cries
full of attitude.

I won’t remember arching my aching back or how heavy my eyelids were
as the numbers on the clock flicked past and melted into a reddened blur.

I won’t remember how you curled up closer and closer to me
growing warmer, softer, heavier
as once again you grew sleepy.

I won’t remember all the details of these long and sleepless nights
my memory will dim as if shutting off the lights...

I know that this time is fleeting,
that you’ll grow and need me no more, 
that there will come a day 
when I’d wish and I’d pray 
for a moment of these times from before.

And I’ll remember the sleepiness, 
the unending effort, the uncertainties and doubt, 
the demand...

And I’ll remember loving you, 
snuggling you, 
and holding your tiny 
and already growing hand.


Hard to Relax

Just trying to get back in the swing of writing.  (It’s been another loooong break period.)  I’m rusty, I know, but maybe with practice the muses will return.

I’m having a lot of trouble, and always have, with relaxing.  I always feel guilty afterwards, like there are things I could have, should have done.  I’m still working on finding my balance with this.

It is a never ending battle

for me,

the two sides of myself

always at war

always wanting more.

 

‘Hard work, goals, ambition

That should be every day tradition.

Plan and prep and ready be

for anything we cannot see.

Nose to the grindstone,

there are things to be done.

Resting is defeat,

the way our work is soon undone.’

 

‘Nay, life is lived but once.

Rest.

Enjoy, relax, breathe peace

take in the world at it’s best.

Put aside your list now please

take the time to look around,

the world, the smells, the sights, the sounds

loveliness here abounds.’

 

The two war back and forth.

Day in day out.

Guilting me in a tug of war bout,

til one side wins, temporarily,

and then the other whispers in my ear

and once again

I feel guilty.

Mommy Brain

I had heard of ‘mommy brain’ but I didn’t believe

my brain could be changed

from a lockbox to a sieve.

I had no idea that things that used to be a breeze

would sit. stuck. in. my. mind.

in a frustrating freeze.

Rhymes and ideas are now more of a struggle,

it takes time to piece them together like some kind of puzzle.

Maybe it’s simply the lack of sleep,

from all of the wonky mommy hours I now keep.

Maybe it’s the way my brain’s wired to your call,

your every breath and every need,

I wait for it all.

Or maybe it’s the way your smile makes my world spin,

how every giggle feels like a win.

Maybe my brain is just tied up in you,

preoccupied with all that you are and all that you do-

and maybe in time my two brains, the old and the new, will fuse

and I’ll have a super brain I can use.

Either way, my baby, I’m overjoyed you are here

And I’ll treasure this mommy brain year after year.

 

Written January 8, 2019

This Past Decade

Reflecting on a decade,

reflecting on a year

listening to echos of laughs

the ghosts of sighs and tears…

Remembering the good times

the sad and all the rest,

looking down a long road tread

and all the paths we thought were best.

We are who we are today

because of what has been.

We are shaped by what we learned

and now we can begin

to start all over

and start right where we are.

As the clocks roll forward yet again,

the old year written in the stars.